IMPATIENCE

Patience is the support of weakness; impatience the ruin of strength.
– Charles Caleb Colton

When I started high school at the age of 12, I actually lived in the moment. I enjoyed everything that was happening. I experienced how friendships work, had lots of girl-drama, but also boyfriend-drama. Crazy, stupid fights over nothing seemed like the end of the world then. Actually, everything seemed amplified at the time. There was always something going on. Drama, love, fights and new found friends. I was trying to fit in, in this whole new school with all these new people. I needed to be present. Right then and there.

After a few years in high school, everything settled down. I had my group of friends. I knew who to trust, and who to avoid. There was still some drama between the girls I hung out with, but somehow I managed to avoid any personal conflicts. Interest in boys started growing, and so did the endless talking about feelings and emotions. Break ups happened, new relationships flourished. Nothing ever lasted long. I started to get excited. Excited the end of high school was coming closer. And with that came an impatience that never left since. I wanted so badly to be done with high school. The stupid teachers, the lame courses, the easy and corny assignments. I was convinced all this would be so much more exciting at university. My life would become so great, if I could just move to a different city and follow an awesome major. I would live in a gross but cozy house with lots of other students. I would go out 3 times a week. I would eat spaghetti with just the pasta and the sauce. I would have fun and laugh untill I cried every single night. I would go on silly adventures to cute coffee shops in the city. Spend all my money on bad food and alcohol. Go to study abroad somewhere really amazing. I’ve always dreamed of going to America.

Life of a broke student is definitely not that romantic. Going out to cute coffee shops and sipping on delicious Chai Lattes seems ridiculously expensive and unnecessary. The idea of going to bars every night went cold pretty soon also. I never enjoyed it as much as when I was 16 and I could drink all night and feel fine the day after. Also, after gaining the many pound that accompanies drinking beer, I started feeling unhappy. I didn’t fit in my own skin anymore. Living in a house full of student is quite nice, but now I have dreams of living on my own. My impatience has made me want to be able to have my own house. Decorate it all cute and stylish. I want to have a cool job and contribute something creative and wonderful to this society. Maybe better it someway. So now I am impatient. I feel like I’m not doing anything. I am accomplishing nothing substantial. I am just going to university, following a few nice, semi-interesting courses. I am delayed by one year, so getting a job seems miles and miles away. And I’m almost leaving for America. The dream I’ve had since I was in high school. But it’s almost like I’ve waited too long. I keep forgetting I’m almost leaving. I’m looking forward to the end of my studying days, to start participating in the real world.

I think I’m just impatient for my life to start making sense. For all the pieces of the puzzle to come together. For me to realise my real talent and being able to put it to use. Oddly enough, I expect it to hit me one day. Square in the face. Bam. This is how it’s supposed to be. Because right now, everything seems a mess but too organized at the same time. It seems I’m wasting time, running out of time to do something. No idea what that something is though. Wow this post turned deep all of a sudden. Not gonna bore you with anymore of my weird strings of thought. I should be happy with my life, that’s it. Appreciate it goddamnit, because I don’t want to look back one day and realise life passed me by because I was waiting for life to happen.

So, maybe it’s a bit early for new years’ resolutions but I can tell you what my number one will be for 2016; Be patient. Live in the moment. Enjoy right now.

Love,

NW


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